read online Textbooks Hades By Alexandra Adornetto –

Before reading HadesHow can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle Either they get on, or they don t get on Motorcycles aren t like cars And what does angel Bethany want with a motorcycle anyway SHE CAN FLY Or, I m assuming she can Who knows, maybe Halo angels are just so lame they can t even use their wings to fly shudders from pure lameness Perhaps the conversation went something like this Jake Hey Bethany Why don t you get in my van on my motorcycle I ll give you a liftBethany No wayz.Jake I haveteh ice cream And kitties Bethany OOOOHHHH KITTIES hops on Jake MUAHAHA SILLY GIRL THERE ARE NO KITTIESBethany NOOOOO I HAZ BEEN TRICKED Jake MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAANow that would make a lot of sense.10 11I AM GOING TO DO IT.I m going to rip this to shreds with my razor teeth It sounds so bad I cannot resist.After reading HadesWarning There will be heaps of Allie bashing, lots of cap rage, Hades bashing, swearing, and SWEARING, and DID I MENTION SWEARING Glossary Because I won t explain who all of the characters are inbetween my rage outs.Bethie The main character.Xavier Her boring ass boyfriend.Jake Thorn The Prince of HellfuckFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK..You notice how light and joking I was in my pre review Notice how I was poking fun at Bethie, notice how I was happy I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WAY AGAIN.I had originally planned on writing a nice, coherent, numerical list of this book s fails but THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE I WOULD BE HERE ALL FREAKING DAY.So, I will rant on random things.Firstly, ADORNETTO NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.Not a single freaking page goes by without this neurotic, raging bitch insult courtesy of Hana Joy D preaching to us about something or the other IT S DISGUSTING Here are a few examples of Allie dearest reaching her nasty author hand through the pages 1 Her version of HellThe way she describes the inhabitants of hell Miniskirts, piercings, chains, black nail polish generally goth We all know how Christian and conservative Allie dearest is, so it s obvious why she would choose to condemn these things they just don t fit in with her idea of what s moral and perfect.2 Her lectures on sexWhile reading that entire part I was essentially doing this I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT WITH A FUCKING PEN.In Kira s review, which is much, much better than this one and you should in fact read it NOW she says Bethany is viciously devoid of conscience You d think she d be all soul , as Xavier once said BARF but in fact she s completely devoid of any kind of compassion She lets Jake bleed to death and die before her, she leaves her friends to rot in Hell literally , and she says, and I quote, The purpose of sex is to create life Oh, really You want me to go there Seriously FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT YOU BIG PIECE OF FESTERING MONKEY VOMIT This is a disgraceful thing to write Who the fuck green lighted this shit Someone needs to be fired for this I m not even kidding About two weeks ago, a teenager who featured on Youtube as a strong advocate of the It Gets Better campaign killed himself He had been so viciously bullied and isolated because of his sexuality that he chose to end his own life He was so utterly crushed by misery, shame and loneliness that he committed suicide He was little than a child This comment advertising sex as a way to procreate and nothing is a violation of so many people s beliefs and lifestyles, and is a complete disgrace in every sense of the word Not only does it completely exclude homosexuality and indirectly condemn it, but it also reverts back to this fabricated idea of virginity Basically, it is a vicious way to shame and attack gay and lesbian peoples for the way that they choose to express perfectly natural attraction to the people they romantically love and or date Homosexuality is in no way wrong, it is in no way unnatural, and condemning it borders on a violation of human rights Quebec had it down when they said, The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation Amen, sista sThat was a rather long quote, I know, but it all needed to be there because I don t know any other way to express my annoyance Sure, I had read Kira s review before throwing myself into the pit of shit and vomit that is alternatively known as Hades, but reading the quote in context provided with everything else makes me want to hurt myself.IT S JUST SO TERRIBLE.That, that doesn t even count the heaps of other sex lecturing JAKE EVEN REFERS TO BETHIES VIRGINITY AS HER VIRTUE It s fucking disgusting how obsessed Allie is with this SHE PUTS A SHAME TO ALL TEENAGERS EVERYWHERE She is a teenager still, right I don t know and I don t give a fuck SHE PUTS A SHAME TO EVERYONE CONSIDERED NOT AN ADULT YET EVERYWHERE In short, if I ever met Allie in real life and caught her trying to give anyone a fucking lecture on fucking ANYTHING, I d do this And this And this Gross little bitchWhat else did I want to rant about Oh ya BETHIE DEAREST.Bethany is so stupid So yeah, I have an ebook copy of this utter vomit and shit, right That s bad, very bad, because as long as we re in Bethie s head every few sentences I have the urge to throw the book against the wall with a satisfying thud BUT IT S AN EBOOK COPY So I would end up doing this Which would suck, seeing as how I only gots one computer, yeah Her stupidity was SO OFFENSIVE that it made me literally burst out into tears.Wellmaybe not literally BUT I WAS FUCKING CLOSE.And the worst part, because Bethie is Adornetto s self insert anyone try to argue with me over this in the comments and I will cuss you the fuck out, just so you know WE GET DOUBLE THE PREACHING So while Adornetto is using her author powers to preach through the story, BETHIE IS FUCKING PREACHING IN THE STORY.IT MADE ME WANT TO THROW THINGS.Not to mention that Bethie is A FUCKING MARY SUE.Even when she goes to Hell, EVEN IN HELL THEY LIKE HER EVERYBODY LIKES HER THE PRINCE OF THE FUCKING HELL WANTS HER IS THERE ONE PERSON THAT DOESN T LIKE BETHANY WHO ISN T DEMONIZED AND WE WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT ASIA LATER.FUCK THAT WE LL TALK ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW BEFORE I FUCKING FORGET OR SOMETHING WITH MY GOLDFISH BRAIN, BECAUSE READING HADES HAS FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED ME WITH IT S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE AWFULNESS AND I CAN BARELY REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME ANYMORE BECAUSE IT IS JUST THAT BAD.FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK THIISSSSSSS BOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUUSSSSSHHOIFWIAIOFNWASo, to talk about Asia.Asia is Jake s bitch, basically Also, from what I remember she is one of the only minorities in the book, if not the only minority, someone can correct me on this if they want How is she portrayed Well, even though she s supposed to be a snide, evil bitch and slut I actually quite liked her She acknowledged Bethany as the stupid, disgusting, waste of space she was, see this quote I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride It would have been hard to forget the annihilating look she d given me then She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any of her time. I agree with her Bethany doesn t deserve anyone s time She s a gross, nasty, hideous waste of space and she should be burned on the stake, cut in half, erased from this universe forever and ever AMEN Also, Asia gets jealous that Jake likes Bethany than her IT S A VALID COMPLAINT So you re the head bitch of hell with your psuedo boyfriend, and then some sniveling preachy brat shows up and snatches your honey s attention Oh, yeah, tell me you wouldn t be bitter There s also the added fact THAT THEY ARE ALL FUCKING DEMONS SO DUHHHH But we re supposed to see Asia as a jealous, evil, bitch That s great That s just fucking fantastic Way to go Allie dear But you wanna know something I d rather be represented by an Asia FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES OVER than be represented by a Bethie, which is the worse fucking insult ever, in the history of time and space, the worst thing in the whole world ever to exist AMEN.Anything else Well, there s Xavier He annoys the shit out of me And Jake is an asshole, as well as a rapist, but once again he s a demon so you know That s rather accurate for Jake.Oh How could I forget Xavier and Bethie s relationship.THAT IS THE MOSTI DON T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR IT It is co dependent, unhealthy, obsessive, weird, and just NO NO JUST NO.How can you write something like this and portray it as being positive HOW HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PORTRAY THIS AS NORMAL, EVEN A GOOD THING Another reason why I want to punch Allie in the face, or at least strap her into a chair and viciously re educate her PLEASE GOD IF YOU DO EXIST, WHICH I DON T REALLY THINK YOU DO BUT IF YOU DO, PLEASE, DO NOT ALLOW ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO TO PROCREATE UNTIL SHE GAINS AT LEAST AN OUNCE OF FUCKING COMMON SENSE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.Amen.Here are some examples of how co dependent and fucked up Xavier and Allie I MEAN BETHIE S relationship is I kept one of Xavier s Tshirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love.Okay, don t take the quiz, Hallie cut in Just answer a few questions, okay Shoot, I said What s your favorite football team Dallas Cowboys, I said without hesitation And why s that Hallie asked Because it s Xavier s favorite team He s coming over to make barbecue ribs Since when do you like ribs The girls raised their eyebrows Xavier likes themI was willing to pardon any crime, but one against Xavier, and so help me, God, Jake would get his comeuppance. Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier My one true love The light of my life My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited Had enough I think so I know if I type any about this shit I will vomit all over my computer, shorting it out If I do vomit over my computer from Hades induced sickness I WILL sue Adornetto for enough money to get a new one, I swear it.Is there something else Oh yeah I DON T CARE.The book was so boring, so annoying, so rage inducing, it was so terrible I WANTED TO DIE.Top Causes of Death Heart diseaseCancerStrokeChronic lower respiratory diseasesAccidentsAlzheimer s diseaseDiabetesInfluenza and PneumoniaNephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosisSepticemiaHades by Alexandra AdornettoIt s the truth, people.Oh, and there s one thing I wanted to mentionOne thingWhat was itThatthing about.WaitIt s on the tip of my tongue.OH I remember now It wasTHAT GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT VOMIT CREATURE HELL ANGER RAGE RAGE RAGE CAPSLOCK DOLPHIN FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKING TITLE Many fanidiots have gotten upset about people constantly pointing out that Hades Hell They say Adornetto can call her books anything she wants They say Adornetto can do anything she wants They say that people who point out Hades Hell, lovers of Greek Mythology who hate to see this mixed up, people with general common sense, they say that they need to shut up and worship Allie like they do.To that I say this FUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU PPPPPPEEEEEEEOOOOOOOPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHUAISUFNIOSNAOSIPGGuess what Guess what I added this section just because of you, you blithering bleeding dolts So here I will say it HADES IS NOT HELL HADES IS GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOR THE AFTERLIFE, NOT HELL, NOT EVIL, NOT PAINFUL, JUST THE WHOLE AFTERLIFE HELL IS CHRISTIAN MYTHOLOGY FOR AN ACTUAL PLACE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING, BAD, PAINFUL, ALL THAT CRAP YOU CAN NOT MIX THEM UP OR SUBSTITUTE ONE FOR THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, THEY DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING, AND THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER MEAN THE SAME THING AND FUCK ANYONE ELSE THAT THINKS OTHERWISE DO A WIKIPEDIA SEARCH YOU JACKASSES.Wow That got really aggressive at the end there, actually Well this whole review has actually been really aggressive GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT Sure, Allie has the right to write whatever she wants, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FUCKING RIDICULE AND BELITTLE HER FOR IT BAHAHAHAHAHA That is the end of my review.AND NOW FOR A RANDOM TOKKA GIF Because I can and I feel like it.HAH.WARNING TROLL MY REVIEW AND I AM FULLY PREPARED TO AND WILL TROLL YOU THE FUCK BACK SO BE FOREWARNED, ASSHOLES OF THE INTERNET YOU HAZ BEEN WARNED.Note Everyone that reads this review should rate Hades 1 star, don t care if you have read the book or not, the rating on this pile of shit and vomit is too fucking high and we as human beings need to do something about this.If you want to you can even read the book to write a bad review of it, which I encourage, this needs as many bad reviews as it can get, seriously But do not buy the book, Jesus Fucking Christ do not buy the book please Pirate this thing Do not waste your money Do not waste your hard earned dollars on this creature, please, for the life of me, DO NOT Yes I am bitter and angry about Hades and I will continue to be bitter and angry about Hades FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN. Heaven Help HerBethany Church Is An Angel Sent To Earth To Keep Dark Forces At Bay Falling In Love Was Never Part Of Her Mission, But The Bond Between Beth And Her Mortal Boyfriend, Xavier Woods, Is Undeniably Strong But Even Xavier S Love, And The Care Of Her Archangel Siblings, Gabriel And Ivy, Can T Keep Beth From Being Tricked Into A Motorcycle Ride That Ends Up In Hell There, The Demon Jake Thorn Bargains For Beth S Release Back To Earth But What He Asks Of Her Will Destroy Her, And Quite Possibly, Her Loved Ones, As WellThe Story That Alexandra Adornetto Built In Her New York Times Bestselling Debut, Halo, Comes Alive In Action Packed And Unexpected Ways, As Angels Battle Demons, And The Power Of Love Is Put To The Test Oh come on girls it is a book about romance and that is why we buy them If you want to good read, non fiction is the way to go Stop complaining about how the writer did this or didn t do that You brought these books because it is a girl meets boy with a bit of action with it end of story. So I wonder if I ve ever told you people how much I love making lists Yep I spend hours on my things to do and other random lists Here s one I m sharing with you Things I d probably do while trying to read HADES Leaf through the pagesEndure Shake head in disbelief Raise my blood pressure Grind my molars to dust Be stupefied beyond belief Kill my brain cells Go to sleep Watch tv Read another book Laugh hysterically Scream in my pillow Have a good timeEnjoy readingNow that almost all of these have been checked off the list except the last two that somehow evade me EVERY TIME I TRY I decided I couldn t wait forever to write a review on here BEHOLD The RESULTS OF MY MANY ATTEMPTS TO READ HADES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER Attempt 1Are you coming over for dinner tonight I asked Xavier, linking my arm through his Gabriel wants to try making burritosmajor eye roll Get your own gourmet show already Gabriel Or get a life, whatever comes first Growing a pair might help too.Attempt 2I m just thinking, he said How come in all the paintings, angels are depicted guarding thrones in Heaven or taking out demons I wonder why they re never shown in the kitchen making burritos Because we have a reputation to uphold, I said, nudging him So are you coming Hmmm, I wonder what reputation she s talking about Oh I know the dumb ass, good for nothing angel trio reputation Lets see how the story goes Once upon a time, 3 great angels descended from the heavens, each bringing a gift to mankind No, no, no That is all wrong There were these three angels, the elder one liked cooking, the middle one liked partying, the little one made everyone s life miserable Oh wait, I think I got my 80 year old neighbors confused with these characters Attempt 3He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as ever His tie hung loose and his blazer was slung casually over one shoulderblinks tries to recall what Xavier looked like an image of a faceless teenager with mouse colored hair pops in mind shakes head sadly This girl needs to get some, if she thinks a tie hanging loose and blazer slung casually on one shoulder makes for breathtakingly beautiful Attempt 4Gabriel wants to try making burritos Hmmm I m hungry I should go get some burritos too cheerfully walk to the kitchen Attempt 5 Since the violent encounter with Jake last year, Xavier had hit the gym even harder and thrown himself into sports vigorously. stupefied beyond belief a little pause laughs hysterically I m sure the occupants of Hell are waiting in agony for Xavier s Ultimate Fitness Show LIVE Attempt 6His face was open and friendly I was pleased to see that Gabriel was relaxed these daysgasp Is he I tell you it s those ballet classes, and sewing he s taken up Isn t he divine swoons Attempt 7I kept one of Xavier s T shirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with mePUKES Goes around whistling Wait What HADES Do you know what Hades is Let me wikipedia you Hades English pronunciation he di z from Greek older form , Had s, originally , Haid s or , Aid s Doric Aidas , meaning the unseen 1 refers both to the ancient Greek underworld, the abode of Hades, and to the god of the underworld.So.What does it have to do with Christianity The previous book was an insult to believers all over the world for sure, because we read about sissy lame angels that had no point.But now.Hades Really Dear Authorwhat were you thinking EDIT So I said Christian believers could be horrified by this whole mess But I was not being church orientated or anything My point was something else so I will re phrase The book is an insult to people that like angels Because her angels are these spineless creatures that i want to pluck like mindless chickens that they are. I I ah I can t even What am I supposed to say here This is just one of these books you knew, going into it, that you were never going to like it, and yet, after you finish it, you remain with a sour taste in your mouth Of course, that begs the question as to why I bothered reading it in the first place in fact, I expect that question soon , and I will adress it later on Let me tell you, pure masochism has little to do with it.On the positive side, Hades is better than its predecesor, as far as plot and pacing are concerned There is a clearly defined antagonist, clearly defined stakes that get bigger as the book progresses, not to mention there is an inciting incident early on into the story In other words, something happens.But while the book is better plot and pacing wise, the writing still suffers from the problems in Halo adjectives and adverbs litter the text whenever a description or a simile didn t cut the trick, along with a case of telling not showing that I suspect can be classified in a genre of its ownXavier never liked Maddison much She drank and smoked too much and always gave her opinion when it wasn t wantedHades Alright, point out the problems in these sentences One by one, please and take turns, children, everyone will have a say.Yes, Bethany is telling us why Xavier doesn t like Maddison, and yes, a lot of us might slightly be offended, but it s not just the character telling us what another character is It s the author telling the readers what they should think Xavier is perfect, so obviously his opinion is paramount, so if he dislikes Maddison for drinking and smoking and being outspoken, then the reader MUST dislike her as well Of course, Adornetto doesn t stop there and does her very best to make Maddison seem as asinine as possible to cement that opinion.That s a huge strike against Hades, if only because many of us have been a little like Maddison as teenagers Outspoken, I mean, although I have had my share of alcoholic experiments at seventeen But it s not just that stories stimulate us on many levels, igniting our imaginations and making us live within them Mindless or high brow, a story makes a reader THINK and draw their own conclusions and opinions about it, and about its characters What I mean to say is, authors shouldn t insult our intelligence by telling us what to think Or at least, they can make it so that the MC s initial impression of that character was flawed and that they had some depth.Speaking of depth, I would like to express my disappointment with the women in this book Yes, Bethany is probably the easiest target, but what about Asia, and all the jealous bitches she epitomizes What about Hanna, whose traits are subservant, tortured and repentant What about Molly Her character, in particular, frustrates me to no end She had so much potential She was actually faced with a real crisis, and she could have grown past her image of a sex crazed adolescent Instead, she remains as short sighted and silly as ever, a fact which is hammered into the reader s head again Scount Mints and again reapplying lip gloss while a serious conversation is happening and again whenever Gabriel is around Maybe I could have bought it in Halo, where she was just a girl and the stakes weren t so high, but not when view spoiler she knows that Gabriel, Beth and Ivy are angels I mean that s your best friend s life hanging on the line, get serious girl hide spoiler WHAT She is tricked in riding a motorcycle How I am sorry, but it ticks me off how stupid and childish she made what s her face I understand she is a angel just born , but seriously Can you at least make her a little bad ass I like bad ass heriones Not the little crying whinny girls I understand that there are moments where that it is called for, but through out the whole series of books What the hell are you thinking Andornetto Why don t you grow up a bit before publishing what you think teenage girls and boys are today We are not idiots, or sheltered from the outside world Be realistic UGH And I hate myself that I am going to go out of my way to read this becuase of my fatal flaw of curiosity, and how I cannot stop reading a series after the first book Curiosity killed the cat, you know I swear that if this books SUCKS which, god, I know it will I will personally call the Andornetto chick up and scream her freakin ear off Then e mail her until she finally realizes the mistakes she made in this series And Hades Really I thought this was about angels Oh, wait No its not, its about religion Christanity to be exact She is sooo stupid She has officially ruined my obession with angels Thanks a lot, Obession ruiner Wishing people would stop rating books before they become available.Also, mildly interested in reading about the potential train wreck how do you get tricked into a motorcycle ride Roofies Okay, what in the world is this cover about Is that Bethany on a motorcycle Dear World,Please do not question my sanity I promise I have not lost it I am reading this for the freaking lulz AND THAT S IT.Sincerely, Me.While I m writing my review, you may entertain yourselves by reading my 46 status updates below Thank you, come again.Also, notice the addition of three stars That means my review is coming REAL SOON, I promise Review 1.5 stars First impressions are deceiving.I have fourteen years worth of anecdotal proof that this theory is true, but the one example I want to give you is Alexandra Adornetto s first book, HALO which I m sure everyone and their mom has read or at least seen.Back when I was an innocent little thirteen year old, I was wandering the bottom floor of my Barnes Noble, looking at the new releases and such, molesting the Nooks, blahblah Bored of my futile search I d never been much of an adult reader, and the bottom floor was where all the mainstream adult books were kept at the time , I headed over toward the escalator that took you to the top floor, with the children s section the adult PNR section the board games section and the teen YA section YA had proved to be a friendly companion in my recent years of extremely frequent reading, and I was itching to get to the top and find some to read.When I reached the top of the escalator, I saw a six shelf display of HALO, and I nearly jizzed my pants It was beautiful I almost couldn t tolerate not owning it When I was an adult and I was rich and famous and I branched out into the publishing world, I had to get that cover designer on board with me to design my book I wouldn t live if I didn t.I stood there for a good minute or so just marveling at the beautiful wonder that was the cover of HALO before I finally couldn t stand it any longer and I had to touch it When I picked it up, I could almost hear the angels singing Alleluia in my ears no pun intended, folks I knew I had to buy it.And I did I bought the hell out of it.I wish I could tell you right now that the contents of that book were as beautiful as the cover was I wish I could tell you I gave it a no brainer five stars and recommended it to every single person on the face of the earth, YA fan or not I wish I could tell you I honed my sculpting skills and made a statue of Adornetto, which I proudly displayed as a centerpiece in my living room Alas, I cannot tell you any one of those things, because not one of them is true In fact, they re pretty much the farthest things from true.HALO had so many problems it was waaaaaay too long the main character was so blatantly dumb, she was deserving of being high fived in the face with a frying pan, not to mention she was Mary Sue perfect the prose was purple than my face was while I was reading it the plot was progressing at the speed of something really slow That s only some of its seemingly perpetual list of problems I found Regardless, I found some moments in the book to be cute and or funny and or worthwhile, so I gave it two stars on Goodreads It s actually deserving of one and a half, but who really cares about the semantics The gorgeous and wondrous cover of HALO is reason number one I can prove that theory that first impressions are deceiving.The second one is my first impression of HALO carrying over to its much shorter and frankly much better sequel, HADES HALO was my first impression of Adornetto s lack of talent, and honestly I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than have to re read it HADES is a major step up from HALO, because while sometimes the plot is shrouded in the shadows of overtly dumb characters, at least it s existent The concept of Hell that Adornetto creates is, to say the least, an epic fail image error